I want to make love in the dark...

Do you remember those days (or maybe you're still living them), when your kids were little and you would wait until you got them in bed, tiptoe to your own room hoping they wouldn't wake up and play under the covers?

That giggling and laughing under the blankets, groping, trying to figure out where everything is. Finally getting into the groove, hands become more sure, the giggling stops to be replaced with breathy sighs and groans. And then maybe, if you are like us, more giggling and laughing and snuggling and playing under the blankets afterwards?

Do you remember that? I kind of miss that.

Because now? I have teenagers. Older teenagers. Like practically adult teenagers. The kind that you can't tell to go to bed because it's summer and they don't have school. Or the kind that are basically adults still living in my household. The kind that know what's going on if they hear anything.

One is almost always here. Seriously, the boy doesn't leave much. And if one is sleeping? The other one is up.

So we sneak whenever we can. And because we are so different, we have very different schedules and rarely go to bed together at the same time. He's a morning person and I'm a night owl. So that sneaking usually ends up taking place sometime in the morning while those teenagers are still sleeping. Or sometime in the afternoon. But it's always light out. Not that I mind the light but I miss playing under the blankets in the dark.

I know, I know, probably more than you needed to know but I'm in a sharing mood tonight.

The almost reality that wasn't

For the past few weeks I have been forced to come to terms with the possibility of a long term future without Romeo. And I wasn't dealing very well with it. On the surface, nobody but me (and maybe my closest friends) had any idea of the inner turmoil that I was dealing with. I'm good at hiding things emotional things, usually. Unless it's a really sad movie, or commercial or something, then I struggle a bit.

Sure, Romeo and I have had our problems in the past. We've even split up a couple of times and been THISCLOSE to divorce. And yet, we still managed to pull through those times and our relationship is stronger and closer because of it. We truly have found our soul mates in each other, as cheesy as that may sound to some. We have been together since we were teenagers and the thought of even contemplating a future without him is horrible. The man is truly the love of my life.

Romeo has had some health issues for the past couple of months that they were trying to figure out what it was. A few weeks ago he had a CT scan done that came back a little abnormal. He was sent to a specialist who told him that it might be bladder cancer. So, it was schedule more tests, wait for appointments, wait for results and all the fun that all of those things entail.

The thoughts that go through your head while waiting for results like that are scary. The futures that you envision for yourselves during that time and the uncertainty of a future that you thought was certain is mentally and emotionally draining.

All of this while in the midst of buying a house. As in, already in contract, just waiting on everything to get done to close.

Finally got the results of the testing back, and good news! No cancer! Yay! They said that he may have had some sort of stones that were already passed or something of that nature.

Closing on the house is supposed to happen next Monday, but who knows. It's a bank owned property and banks seem to be on their own time schedule. Then we'll be moving.

So needless to say, I haven't been writing much lately. In the new house I will have my own office though, complete with a door that I can close when I need to! So hopefully that is something that will be remedied relatively soon! :)

Off to work.